"Greenland 2: Migration" is Not About Trump

Bear with me, comrade. I did not see Greenland 1. I did not know it existed until Monday night of this week, when I passed by a banner for the sequel in Orlando. It’s giving 2012 x The Day After Tomorrow (I’ll just assume you haven’t seen it either). Apparently, from what I can surmise from the plot, some years ago, a comet named Clarke struck the earth near southern Europe. The devastation that resulted is exactly what you’re imagining: firestorms, radiation poisoning, deadly debris, and total societal collapse.

"Greenland 2" movie poster

We meet our hero, John Garrity - engineer and scout - as he’s crossing the wastelands of Greenland to scavenge for resources and supplies. Meanwhile, his community is stationed nearby at an underground bunker run by what remains of the US military. His particular set of skills is not wasted. Allison Garrity, John’s wife, is a civic leader amongst the survivors. Her quick thinking and compassion save several lives throughout their quest. Their son, Nathan, is a teenage astronomer wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps. Having grown up during the end of the world, his curiosity drives his action. Their journey is a series of harrowing encounters with both mankind and nature, neither of which proves reliable.

This movie feels like a propaganda piece by the Trump administration depicting what will happen to the world if the US does not take Greenland from Denmark (and itself). I will treat that as canon going forward.

But as with most things done by this regime, Greenland 2 is riddled with incompetence, inconsistencies, and incomprehensible action. It’s the exact type of big, loud slop this cadre of ne’er-do-wells would stitch together, guided by media illiteracy and a disdain for any expression of creativity that doesn’t satisfy both their ego and sense of exceptionalism. It reads like a self-deprecating joke, a movie that knows it’s bad, but isn’t good enough to do anything good with that awareness. That reflects my sentiment towards this administration: violence, loss, suffering, all for the sake of the suffering, but with nothing of value to show for it. Not that any benefit would justify this carnage; simply that getting your ass beat by cops hurts even more when you can’t afford rent this month. Low quality, aware of its low quality, but too quality to change anything.

If anything, Greenland 2 is a cautionary tale depicting the horrors that arise from the depravity of mankind when concepts like community, cooperation, and camaraderie are abandoned for short-sighted gain and personal glory. I am choosing to believe this narrative takes place in an alternative timeline in which the US invades Greenland, and the entire world order falls into chaos as a result. And much like the Trump administration, it isn’t revealing its flaws on purpose. Those cracks in the facade are merely an inevitability when such selfishness, such disregard for the human community, becomes one’s guiding principle.

Despite being a remarkably poignant encapsulation of current headlines (even complete with references to both Greenland and immigration), it does not do so deliberately or even well artistically. This was not a good movie, but a perfectly fine watch on a Wednesday afternoon. Worth the matinee price. 6.2/10

If you want to know why I think this movie was mostly bleh, here are my notes, written during the film. I’m sure you can come to some sort of worthwhile conclusion from these:

• not about Trump, but should be

• Black guy in Liverpool has to be Nigerian; can’t possibly be a native Brit for some reason (I say this a lot)

• Dies in the dumbest way

• Death in a disaster movie should be the result of hubris and selfishness, not a random survival act like running to your car

• Why would your choices matter when the sky is literally falling?

• Why did he have to die?

• “The world is a dangerous place now.” Like it wasn’t dangerous before, British man?

• “London isn’t London anymore.” Londoners may disagree.

• Why are we in the UK again?

• These conversations require unintelligent characters who can’t communicate to drive the tension, despite there being a literal global catastrophe capable of driving the plot

• This move loves killing black people as throwaways

• Random Frenchmen decides not to kill strangers after their first answer for some reason

• Why the fuck is everyone so upset about this damn crater theory?? Every time someone mentions the idea, they get aggressively dismissive. Indifference or curiosity would make more sense.

• I know times are tough, but asking a random, strange man to take your literal 15-year-old daughter is insane in even this scenario.

• In War of the Worlds, they came upon a battle by accident. In Greenland 2, they actively seek it out. For some reason.

• Just stay where you are. The crater cannot be worth living in if the battle just outside means anything.

• Living inside a comet impact crater feels extremely unwise to begin with.

• Stop mentioning the damn crater to every person you meet. Everyone is hostile towards you whenever you bring it for some reason.

• Why is this man’s journey everyone else’s problem? Why does he need them? Why do they help? Why are they so mad about helping? Why are they so mad at him for wanting to go to the crater if it doesn’t affect them at all? But also, why are they all inconveniencing themselves the moment he mentions the crater?

• The insurgency is too inorganic and only serves to add violence and tension to the plot

• A trained, professional soldier immediately leaves the cover of a large vehicle and runs out into an open field the moment armed men show up, then gets predictably gunned down as a result of his stupidity

• Oh no god no please don’t try be a hero

• He tried it

• Why is this old, dying man riddled with lung cancer able to overpower an armed militant??

• What is the point of the insurgents attacking anyway? What is there to gain?

• Why not just go to the crater yourself? Why sacrifice your life attacking the bus?

• Will he die by gunshot or illness? Already dying of lung cancer, but now has a hole in his torso. Feels redundant.

• Dead

• Allison is the reason anyone is alive